Walk in the creation of who God made you

I have been in deep thought about who I am. At times, I become uncertain of that. I glimpse images in my mind of myself as a child. I knew who I was during that span of my existence. I believe that is who I am. Fragments of that little girl still are apparent in my everyday life. They have remained attached to the core of what makes me.

Problems have arisen in the foundation of whom God made me. The unenslaved spirit that I use to possess has been on the verge of completely leaving me. I have granted people freedom to do this. Understand that it has not been a conscious thing. I have always been in awe of things great and small. I was free as a child. I would run around unafraid of anything. I remember going to a creek when I was seven. My best friend and I had asked our parents if we could get in it. Of course the obvious answer was no from all of them. After a hard day of us digging out tunnels and forts in the mounds of sand made by new homes taking away our “wilderness” we decided we needed to cool off. Now mind you, our thought was that we would wade around in the creek. In Mary and my mind, there was no harm in that. A smile creeps across my lips as I recall the recent storm that had passed through the area. The creek was flooded and soon showed us that it was more powerful then we thought. A small current made Mary fall. She grabbed a log close by I went to her and decided that since she was all wet I might as well join her. Was there any fear involved? Of course, there was, but I figured that if we were going to get in trouble, we might as well enjoy ourselves.

I now hold in me the knowledge of whom my Maker made me. I was not created to be a fearful and reserved person. People in my life, along with many terrible tragedies have shaped me into something I am not.

Over the past year, I have been searching for who and what I am. I put others needs and wants before my own. I want others to be happy. I keep my mouth closed at times just to keep the peace. I have allowed myself to be mistreated by to many.

I am not living that way anymore. I will continue to be kind and care about others. That is how God made me. I will not allow me to be lost anymore. I have a right to speak my mind as long as I do it lovingly and with respect. I deserve to have my wants and needs respected as much as anyone does. As long as those things do not hurt another, I will reach to and strive for them. When I am happy, I am able to bring more joy to others that walk this path of life with me.

I am going to be who God created me to be. I will strive to shut out the hurt that cruel and angry people have done that I have not deserved. How they have left their mark upon me and molded me to be broken. It might take a few tries to reach that destination but I believe the journey will be miraculous. I have been stuck in this creek of life wet and not enjoying it. I no longer want the fear that has been living in me. It is time to accept that I am wet and start living and enjoying my life with people beside me who wish the same thing for me.